an introduction

Dear Reader,

Hello! Thank you for purchasing this book. I’m sincerely grateful you bought this, potentially from a bookstore, potentially with cold hard cash. I mean, who goes to bookstores anymore? Spending twenty dollars for this book is a big investment, but I’ll do my best to make sure you spent well! Eight of those dollars go straight into my pocket! This money allows me to extend my subscriptions to Netflix, HBO GO, Hulu Plus, Amazon Prime, Spotify, and more!

Let’s start with a few basic instructions on how to read this book. Firstly, if you’ve gotten to this point, you’re pretty much doing it. As you’ve read, this part is the introduction. I’m hoping this will give you a feel for the book. If you’re reading this at a bookstore, then this introduction hopefully seduces you into leaving with it. This is also an opportune moment to stop reading and pay for it now. I’ll hand you a moment here to do so. *hands you one moment*

Great, all set?

This book documents some adventures I’ve encountered throughout life. These stories are not lavish, indulgent, or grandiose - no big parties, festivals, or weddings. I’m talking about stories like the time I had to wait forty minutes to check out at Costco, the time I blew a tire at two in the morning, and the time I helped a grandmother cross the street. Note, I did not help a grandmother cross the street, but it’s an example of some of the good, selfless deeds I perform routinely.

On the other side of this page is a brief, simple, non-disclosure agreement. I’m just going to need your signature, and we’ll be all set to continue reading. No reason to fret, it’s merely a condition my publishers requested in case you can’t stop laughing and need to see a psychiatrist. I’ll give you a moment here to sign before continuing. *gives you one moment*

Good to go? Splendid. Well, thanks again for the purchase. I sincerely hope you enjoy it. If you have any questions, feel free to email me at StevesWorkEmail@hotmail.com. Thank you.

Cordially,

Steve