everyone in line considering robbing bank

Sources revealed that at 11 a.m. earlier today, nearly everyone waiting in line at a Bank of America in Chicago was considering robbing it. Patience was wearing thin amongst a crowd of thirty people trying to withdraw lunch money, and robbery slowly became a viable option.

“The possibility always comes into my mind,” fellow bank-goer Dave Rogers said. “You see banks getting robbed all the time in movies. Eventually, you figure, why can’t I?” 

Funnily enough, or perhaps foretelling, this Bank of America has been robbed eight times in the last six months. Looking to bolster security and temper patience, bank manager Robert Day has enacted a new “take-a-number” system and an “express line for robbing.” 

“Most robbers when they come in, they’re looking for fast cash, few thousand or so. With this new express line, robbers can come rob a quick G, while at the same time not disturbing the patiently waiting customers,” Day said. “If they’re not in a rush, the robbers can take a number, sit and wait until they’re called, and then proceed to rob us.”

Day was not kidding. According to reports, the average time each robbery took ran just over three minutes. It has become so well-known, in fact, that it was recently featured in the Chicago Tribune’s weekly section, “Ten Hot Spots.” 

Avid visitor Rose Jenkins is still waiting to witness her first robbery. “Sometimes I’ll just sit in the waiting area all day, hoping a robber enters. I plan to help them out and hopefully they’ll give me a cut of the money. Looking forward to it!” Hopefully with the new bank protocols and express lines, Jenkins will soon get her wish.